I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
