I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
