May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
