I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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