I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
