I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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