Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
