You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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