We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
