Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
And then he peed in my hair
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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