I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
