I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
pop tarts are not kleenex
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
