it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
