from now on my penis is your penis
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
