waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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