That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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