I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
