Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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