kristin has been a bad kristin
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
