yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
