Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
