We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
