so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
