i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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