Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
