she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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