If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
tell me about the eggs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
