And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
