can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
