So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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