my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
