just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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