So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
