There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
