how do flat chested girls get laid?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
