I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
