tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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