youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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