My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
