I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize