omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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