Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
