he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
