How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
