I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
