I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
