I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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