its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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