I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
