and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
i need some magic done to my vagina
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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