Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
