People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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