Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
third nipple confirmed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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